the ex

Help. 
 
Guys, I’ve lost faith.  I need some guidance. 
 
So, I’m spying on my ex online and looking at all the photos of him and his new girlfriend of the month.  Let me just preface this by saying my ex is white.  Doesn’t matter to me.  I like all varieties.  He’s just someone I clicked with and thought I loved at some point. 
 
The politically correct me does not want to be like this, but the internal me is winning on this one.  Seriously, WTF?!  The past three girlfriends after me have been some variation of Asian.  And though I know I shouldn’t be thinking it, I can’t help but not think it.  Does he have yellow fever?  
 
Was I just another notch on his yellow train?  Here I was thinking I was something special, unique, individual, that he liked me for me … but I can’t help but feel I was some sort of fetish, some yellow commodity.  And I can’t get it out of my mind.  It makes me feel horrible … creepy crawly horrible.  
 
If there was a black or brown or white girl interspersed in there, I might feel better, you know?  But they’re all Asian.  And the girlfriend before me was also Asian, according to a girl he went to high school with (and who I accosted online).  Yes I know I’m sounding very stalker-ish, but this blog is meant as an outlet.   And, if anything, I pride myself on being honest, sometimes disturbingly so, so cut me some slack. 
 
I feel yellow.  Like a big fat mass of yellow.  And I can’t snap out of it.